Patch Blog: Flying the Friendly Fries

So I guess the closest thing I have to a Yoda/Miyagi-type food mentor is my all-time fav kinesiologist — my friend, and Pasadena’s own, Doc Darrick Sahara.

And Sahara just might be the biggest USC Trojan honk on all of Facebook and far beyond (a major compliment, coming from the likes of me.)

But what I’ve always really admired about Doc Sahara is his honesty and chutzpah. When Doc determined three years of dental school student abuse was way more than enough, he actually suggested the chief administrator/perpetrator/instructor goof in question explore the limits of his own flexibility — and then said, “See ya.”

These days, Doc S. provides care for all kinds of elite athletes. So why not be part of an elite health team preserving the self-proclaimed foremost elite athlete/scribe/DDS in the San Gabriel valley, a.k.a. me?

Since meeting Sahara through Twin Tower of Hygiene Jen and after being stood up due to some bogus emergency episode dreamed up by yet another entitled NBA pituitary All-Star, I’ve become a serious advocate of the Sahara “Simple Diet.”

To the uninitiated, the “Simple Diet” might seem simple because there are only about six things you can eat. And when I go off my “simple” protein and veggie regimen, I actually experience some serious guilt (but, with Mom’s Sicilian and Catholic background, guilt can be a foregone conclusion. Sometimes, I feel guilty when I stare at people — on television.)

Have to tell ya, even though I do Mexican on Saturdays, I feel really good about myself six times a week staring down my nose at some poor loser mixing carbs and protein or, gulp, eating soy (it’s indigestible you know.)

This week I ventured to Atlanta for less than 24-hours, but I’ll probably have to detox from now until the cows come home (or at least until Bruin football finds a place called Hope.)

And I’m not complaining. The stuff I learn in a day from adviser Jay Geier and Co. makes me wish I was young enough to pack away burgers just like former V.P. Dick Cheney does in his dreams. And the Geier Continuing Ed. food is the “Simple Diet” times the Ritz Carleton.

However, the airport and business class travel culinary options could make Pepto-Bismol the patron saint of the Friendly Fries, er, Skies.

Coming and going, I tried out four or five different kinds of chips and three or four varieties of cookies. Thank God for the tomato juice-assisted Bloody Mary, ketchup, and former President Ronald Reagan (maybe if you’ve seen one tree you’ve seen ‘em all but if ketchup is a vegetable, what, then, is a Bloody Mary?)

As I had to grab a bite before my time travel back to LAX, the Sojourner Café at Hartsfield-Jackson International looked harmless enough — until I noticed the menu was chock full of fried protein having an unhealthy relationship with fried starches.

At least they had Sam Adams on tap and Doc Sahara said that was okay — during USC tailgating (why not pretend?)

Those fish ‘n chips woulda brought a greasy tear to the eyes of a Tommy’s burger. But Tommy’s eyes woulda already been teary due to all the smoke. At the Sojourner, smokers and non-smokers were busy exchanging stink-eyes from only ten cloudy paces across the bar.

It’s cool being back in the San Gabriel Valley; at least around here, the smog stays outdoors.

But it looks like Doc Sahara might have another project coming up next month. And if I remember correctly, those Native-American herbs helped some after Twin Tower of Hygiene Jen’s wedding, and they’ve hit the recovery spot every time the Trojans beat the Bruins after 5-hours of serious tailgating.

So maybe I’ll pre-tox next month before my next friendly fries trip to Atlanta and a long-awaited tryout with Varsity Hot Dogs.