UnPatched

UnPatched

So here’s the thing, I’ve written a weekly column/blog in local rags for like 15 years.

My theme has always been seeing dental care and healthcare in a human light. I feel seeing patients as family and looking for humor can be the best and safest medicine of all.

Asking, listening, and looking for kindness and humor is the pharmaceutical stuff that comes with no scary side effects. The purpose, maybe not so obvious at first, is putting folks at ease and creating a reassuring and even memorable experience empowering patients to become their own best health advocates.

I’ve practiced dentistry since mid-late Disco. If I haven’t seen it all, shame on me for not paying enough attention.

My first editor threatened to get me good if I ever went over her head to the publisher again; she named me “Molar Jockey” in the process. The publisher actually used to drop Pasadena Weekly F-bombs and the target was his own hilarious inside-the-back-page column. And sometimes I use fictitious names to protect clueless fellow molar jockeys but I think I’ll just call this guy…Jim Laris. Jim gave me an unlikely chance some 15 years ago and all I can say is…I love you man.

Another editor really got me to emulating Chick Hearn; I did not miss one weekly writing assignment for about 10 years. Citizen Baskin was one-of-a-kind, probably for good reason, but I loved the guy. And not once did Baskin edit content. Don’t know if he’d accept this as a compliment but CB definitely had his finger on the faint, thready pulse of Temple City. And I really miss the dude.

The Arcadia Weekly’s and Georgia’s own John “Bulldawg” Stephens (now of the Huffington Post) was so freakin smart and funny I still can’t believe he was educated in a part of the U.S where first cousins make excellent prom dates. We remain Facebook friends, but with his SEC DNA, I still seriously fear for the life expectancy of his adult dentition.

Then the editorial gods thrust upon me two editors not of sound mind; one, a photographer and the other a lawyer. Both edited content and that’s like putting the Crips in charge of LAPD or making former VP Cheney the National Security Advisor for Big Macs. Both editors canned me. Don’t know about you but I think there’s worse ways to describe editorial incompetence than “el Toro doo-doo.” The two upstart amateur eds disagreed.

Then, like a breath of fresh air, fellow Trojan, smart as a whip, cute as a button, Arcadia patch editor Natalie appeared. For a while, life was good. And then, suddenly without warning, she was gone.

And I’m not sayin’ current fellow Trojan editor Nathan is anything less than the exact polar opposite of drooling loser USC football Coach Lane Kiffin. I bet Nathan is totally awesome, maybe even the Mother of all Ben Bradley replacements.

I’m just sayin’ I’ve submitted two stellar blogs; one was printed in a single mega paragraphic monstrosity and the next was sabotaged by “friendly junior spam-detecting micro robots. Really?

To me, it looks like the new Patch format has totally stolen the editor spot on the team to the point where being kidnapped and tortured on Game of Thrones looks like a more constructive and purposeful endeavor.

Just my opinion but editors and formats are like great patients wearing comfortable dentures; why change?

I’m just sayin’…