Tips: Act Like a Pirate on National Talk Like A Pirate Day

Saying "Arrrr" and "matey" will only get you so far, so follow these tips if you want to really stand out on our nation's silliest holiday.

It's National Talk Like A Pirate Day and you can celebrate even if you don't have a grizzled beard or a peg leg.

The best way to observe this cherished holiday is self-explanatory. But beyond the hackneyed "Arrrr" noise and the word "matey," few people truly embrace the pirate lifestyle on NTLAPD.

Here are some real pirating tips so you can out-do your friends:

1) Stop eating citrus. You cannot be a real pirate if you aren't ematiated with scurvy. Also remember to abandon hygiene--the fewer teeth you have, the more authentic you are.

2) Wear ripped clothing, particularly a striped shirt, and try to capture one of those wild parrots that fly around the San Gabriel Valley. Teach it the words "Shiver me timbers."

3) Put all of your cherished belongings in a chest, bury it somewhere weird, then draw a convoluted map with a large X on it. Include cryptic clues for your children to follow.

4) Fly a skull and crossbones outside your car window. But don't drive with an eyepatch.

5) If you didn't prepare in advance by growing a sweet, gnarly beard, purchase a fake one at Party City, route: {:controller=>"listings", :action=>"show", :id=>"party-city-54"} --> and eat a meal at


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